Knock, and it shall be opened unto you...

God speaks to me on a daily basis.

Really.

He speaks to me through the scriptures.

In high school, someone told me that if you physically knock on the scriptures and let them fall open, the answer will be there. "Knock and it shall be opened." I pray before doing it - "ask and ye shall receive" and then I knock on my scriptures and open them.

And without fail, every day, I receive a message from God that EXACTLY pertains to my situation. EXACTLY.

(So here's my editorial comment: Cancer is a small little fragment of my life now that Jana is trying to take all our money. My whole waking moments are focused on trying my best to prevent her from ruining us. I can't concentrate at work. I can't go to bed early. I sit and stew.... and freak out, and cry and get angry and eat.)

And the other night, I opened the Book of Mormon to 3 Nephi 1:18, and it said, "..and they began to fear because of ...their unbelief."

I realized that my freaking out is an outward showing of what's going on inside. I realized that I didn't believe the promises from God, the promise that if we are righteous, we shall prosper.

Well, I felt chastised and closed the book for the night.

So last night, I do the same thing. I pray, then open the book. This is what I read: Alma 36:3 "...whosoever shall put their trust in God shall be supported in their trails and their troubles, and their afflictions." Then, my eyes went across the page and I read Alma 36:19, 21 "...I could remember my pains no more....Yea, I say unto you, my son, that there could be nothing so exquisite and so bitter as were my pains. Yea, and again I say unto you, my son, that on the other hand, there can be nothing so exquisite and sweet as was my joy."

If I could describe the hell we're going through, I would say, there is nothing so exquisite and bitter as my pains. And God is promising me that I will one day have exceedingly great joy.

Wow.

I felt peace and calm after that. I wonder where our life is going and how much money we will have to shell out to stand our ground with Jana - among medical bills and kids and hoping for a home one day. I don't know how it's all going to work, but God told me not to stress.

So I better believe him.

Merry Christmas,
Kristy