When can I get off the roller coaster? Is it soon?
I've been up and down and all around.
One minute I want to leave Charles and the next minute I want to stay. I can't decipher if he will lie to me again about other things for years on end. How can I trust him? I'm so tired of this...
The other day, after I got home from work, I was upset and argued with Charles and then I went to bed. Then at 1 a.m. I woke up and we fought until 4 a.m.
I threw the lotion bottle at Charles - he ducked to my chagrin. Then he sat on the bed and I swung to hit him and he ducked. Then I swung the other arm at him and he ducked.
And then I just hit the pillow out of frustration.
And Charles said, "That's not fair to the pillow. The pillow didn't deserve that."
And then we laughed.
And then we made up.
And the next day started. I started off saying, "well if I can lie to you about something for 5 years, we're even." And we chuckled.
But then I kept thinking. Thinking of all the instances where he has outright lied to me. I got angry.
I had talked to the bishop and he advised that this is the adversary working on us.
But I don't want to look like a fool for staying with him either.
Anyway, we're up and down and all over right now. And I think I'm going to be like this for awhile since I'm still processing all of this. I think it's reasonable for me to react this way.
I'm so tired.
Friday, April 4, 2008
Roller Coaster
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4 comments:
Kristy,
I just want you to know that I am praying for you girl! In highschool all I would have to do was hear your laugh and it would put a big smile on my face. i am so sorry that you are having so many trials in your life now. Just know that you are in the refiners fire and the advesary wants nothing more than you to give into the misery and despair that he creates. If you can make it through all of these trials with a happy heart you are going to be so refined you will be like pure sugar! If you love your husband stand by him. We all have made mistakes in our lives and sometimes those mistakes are hard to own up to. If he wants to be a good man, if he wants to be with you forever, you need to look past the things of the past and look towards building a forever marriage and family with your husband and your children. Nobody has everything perfect right away...I repeat nobody. That is why we are here. That is why we all have trials to help us grow and to become like our savior someday, not right on this day. You are an amazing person! I have not seen you since highschool, but I have always had a soft spot for you because you were the happiest person I have ever met. I am going to the temple this week and I will be sure to put your name there. I promise you Kristy that things will get better for you guys if you are living the commandments and you and Charles band together as a unit. I hope things get better for you very soon!
thank you for your support. You have no idea how much this means to me.
Who is this anyway?
-Kristy
Kristy,
I hope you don't mind that I read this-I was reading our class list and popped onto your blog. I don't know why my user name didn't publish.
This is Chany (Swinney) Jones-
I just wanted you to know that you have been on my mind and in my thoughts. Hang in there, you have been through alot!
email me anytime @ jnzfam@rochester.rr.com
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